Can you believe it is already June? This year has been going by so extremely fast. My birthday is coming up next month and I am so excited. Mainly because I get to celebrate another year of life but mostly because I get to celebrate it with the people I care about the most. This year there are a handful of ideas I have about how I want to celebrate. I may do one or two of them or maybe even more.
One thing that makes me a little sad is that I won’t have a date for whatever I plan to do in celebration. Last year during this time I was stressed out from work but I had my ex there supporting me and being that person I could turn to. Things were going well in the romance department and I really did not see us breaking things off a couple months later.
Don’t get me wrong – I have no problem being single, however, I really, really miss having that special person in my life to make memories with. That person I can turn to for support and advice. One that loves me and sees in me more than I see in myself. I miss having a place to run to when I feel I have nowhere to turn.
I miss being in love. I miss date nights and beach days. I miss lazy Sunday’s together. I miss being goofy. I miss getting my ass kicked on video games because I have no clue what I am doing. I just miss it all.
I am patient about it yet there are moments where I just get frustrated and want to know when is it going to be my turn again? I see relationships around me starting, struggling or even completely falling apart and I want to be a part of something. I want it and I need it. You can even say that I crave it.
My last relationship was one one of the healthiest ones I ever had and I feel like that is why I crave being in love again so much. With breakups in the past there was a lot of anger, hurt, frustration, confusion and even sometimes rage. I mourned over what I felt I lost and I built walls up that the next guy that came along had to tear down. But with this last one I feel like it was so good and it wasn’t extremely horrific at the end.
So I want to start over – even though it scares the shit out of me. My ex filled me with so much love and hope about what a relationship could be. I want to share all the love that I have inside of me with someone else. I want to share the best parts of me with someone and I know the next time it will be so beautifully blessed. I know that person is out there and craving what I have to offer. I am just waiting for the Universe to align us in a way that we both recognize it.
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